Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
