FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So apparently I’m into choking now
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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