She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
