I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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