He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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