this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
