tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
