The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
