In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
