i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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