Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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