32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
