beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
