I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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