Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
