So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
