There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
