Where did you get a picture of my penis
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I understand Curling. That high.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
