nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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