apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
