She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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