Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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