For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
