If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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