You can't motorboat a personality
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I want to be your penis for a week.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
