I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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