I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
