I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
