Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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