I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
