so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
