She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
