is your mom at the bar?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
