I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
