I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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