Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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