i just had sex bonerless
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
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So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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