you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
