there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
