you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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