My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
