do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
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How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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