I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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