Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
