Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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