Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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