Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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