It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
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Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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