its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
