New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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