Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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