Apparently you make a good broom.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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