bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
