i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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