my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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