Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
they're like a gay fantastic four
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
