Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
