I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
