you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
