I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
