he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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