I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
try to milk me bitch
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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