Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
