Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
