I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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