Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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