Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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