Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
